That’s right – round two of what I predict to be many…many more posts on craptacular horror flicks is here.
It is no secret that I love awfully awesome films -and apparently you do too. So without further adieu – here are three more flicks that qualify as some of the best of the worst horror films around.
Do you like dark horror comedies? Do you like meat? Do you like…man meat? (And no – not that kind you pervs).
If so – Motel Hell may just be the movie for you. The focus of the flick is a super righteous nut job named Farmer Vincent, and his infamous meats. Did I mention his meat is people (Soylent green anyone)? This film is totally serious. And by totally serious I mean ridiculous, disturbing and just plain amusing. In order to keep his man-meat fresh Farmer Vincent crafted an unusual and unique method of preservation. The best meat is fresh meat – and so he keeps his victims alive and fed until they’re ready to be butchered. And how does one do this? By burying them up to their necks in a miniature outdoor people garden of course.
I so need me a people garden.
What this flick lacks in gore – it makes up in creepiness. The supporting characters such as Ida are extreme, grotesque and PERFECT. If you can get past the drive-thru feel of the film and immerse yourself in the swingers, cannibalism, and pig-faced chainsaw duel of DEATH – you make just find a fondness for this fantastically underrated macabre cult classic.
Best line: Meat’s meat, and a man’s gotta eat!
HUGE Puppet Master fan here. Screw the haters – those little dudes (and dudettes – gotta represent Leech woman) are great. And my favorite of the series has to be Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys.
Why? Because it actually makes the entire premise of killer dolls MORE ridiculous then it already is. Not an easy task when you think about it. Separately both Puppet Master and Demonic Toys have their own arguably successful and dedicated fan bases. Together? Together they form a cluster fuck of tiny tiny chaos – a visual train wreck almost to outrageous to look away from.
Corey Feldman stars (must I go on?) in this LEGENDARY battle of good vs. evil – two toy makers pitted against each other, one determined to protect a family secret – and the other determined to CONQUER THE WORLD. How?
Through enslaving humanity with haphazardly sewn bears and jack in the boxes. Genius really.
Pretty much like all the movies proceeding it – this film is just bizarre. Truly bizarre. Even still….
SIX SHOOTER TOTALLY GOES TERMINATOR.
And an iron maiden wielding demon dresses like Santa!
Oh, and there’s the really hot chick from weird science in it to. Bonus?
Know whats better than a cursing knife wielding cookie? NOTHING.
I have to admit Gary Busey plays bat shit nuts well – so perhaps it was serendipitous that he was cast as the role of Gingerdead man. A killer cookie, with no morals – no rules – and no gum drop buttons.
The basic premise is a crazed killer annihilates a family in their own bakery. In turn he is sentence to death, burned alive, and his remains are sent to his mother. Who by the way is a witch. Plausible so far right? Right. Well long story short his ashes are baked into a batch of gingerbread cookies – and out of the oven jumps quite possibly the most deliciously evil killer ever.
The film is terrible. The acting? Worse. But seriously if a freaking baked good giving you the middle finger isn’t one of the most hysterical things you’ve ever witnessed – I apparently need to start watching what you do.
Best line: Eat me, you punk bitch!
A clip from the ending. Trust me – plot reaaaaaally isn’t important here.