“They don’t make ‘em like they used to”.
No more remakes!
Horror remakes. Like politics and religion, everyone has quite the strong opinion, and at any gathering, it’s a topic sure to get a discussion heated. Admittedly, I’ve solidly been in the camp of “NO REMAKES” for quite some time. However, I only became zealous with my dislike in recent years due to Hollywood’s trend of their bastardization of a number of recent classics; such as The Omen, Amityville Horror, The Wicker Man, and Halloween. I viewed a few of these, trying to keep an open mind, and was flat-out disgusted by the abominations. I saw (and disliked) a number of them, including such remade fare as
- -Dawn of the Dead
- When a Stranger Calls
- Texas Chainsaw Massacre
- The Hills Have Eyes
- Psycho
- House of Wax
- Carrie
- The Fog
- Children of the Corn
- The Hitcher
… then decided I needed to boycott them all. No more would Hollywood get any of my hard-earned money to support their cheaply-processed renditions of my beloved favorites. So, no, I haven’t seen, nor will I see, such films at the new Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, or Let Me In, just on basic principle. And I won’t even go into foreign horror remade for American audiences.
While my standpoint is still pretty vehement, it’s tough to be an old-school hardcore horror fan these days, what with all the really atrocious remakes that keep flopping off of the studios’ assembly lines. I didn’t want to become one of “those” elitists, so I began to think about what remakes I *did* enjoy. The list is short, and much of it comes before the current atrocities, but I’d include The Thing, The Fly, Cape Fear, Willard, Last House on the Left, and 13 Ghosts.
The Funhouse
Now, I thought about what it was I liked about these remakes, and what I would constitute as requirements for considering a remake. At first, I thought I would support films I enjoyed that were not so mainstream and dated. Then they announced that one of my all-time favorites, Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, was being redone, with Katie Holmes in the lead role. My immediate reaction was one of anger. Up until then, I had considered that another all-time favorite, Tobe Hooper’s The Funhouse, would be a viable candidate. After some consideration, I felt too protective of it , in that the dated-ness of the film gave it much of its charm. I still am against the remake, now that I know they have it in the works. Seeing what Hollywood is capable of with these properties, I’m not so optimistic (as much as I would like to be about some of them) about what will be done to a lot of these upcoming remakes, such as :
- Alien
- Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
- The Blob
- The Birds
- Child’s Play
- Creature from the Black Lagoon
- Fright Night
- Hellraiser
- Scanners
- The Howling
… just to name a few. It seems nothing is sacred.
But, to be fair, I pondered some more on what would, if Hollywood abandoned its current methods (glossing it over, taking away credibility, dumbing it down, and slapping a recognizable name on it), work as a remake. What would be the criteria for choosing films?
How do you redo Pinhead?
Why so much focus on remaking films that were good the first time around? Hellraiser is a film, in my opinion, that is a fantastic story, but could use improved special effects. Originally, I thought “to update the story and cheesy effects” was a good enough reason to redo a story. Now, I’m not so sure. It’s much more prudent to spend that energy and money improving something that was mostly weak the first time around. Remake crappy movies that have potential to be good as opposed to classics that have already been proven. The one major drawback you have to remaking something that’s so popular, is that it will always be compared to the original.
Suspiria
Suspiria, in my opinion, is a perfect example of a film that is long overdue for a remake. I know I’m in the minority when I say how much I disliked the original, but I do see a lot of potential in a properly done remake. Argento made a visually interesting movie for its time, but the story lacked for me, and while I distrust Hollywood’s ability to do it justice, I’m cautiously optimistic about what can be done with this classic piece.
The Howling
The Howling is a favorite amongst my lycanphile friends. Truthfully, I could never sit through it. I tried, twice. The cheesy effects were overpowering the story, and it was just too slow for me. Perhaps now that Hollywood is cashing in on the werewolf craze, maybe they learned their lesson from The Wolfman and might do this story a bit of justice and stray from the overladen CGI. Probably not, but it would be nice to see this given some depth and great special effects.
Children of the Corn
I haven’t watched the entirety of the recent SyFy remake of Children of the Corn, so I’m not sure if this is slated for the screen or it was simply redone for television. I only caught a few minutes the other night, and I was bored to tears. The original wasn’t well-done, but the story held great promise that failed to deliver. This is a perfect example of a film where the aforementioned cheesy 80′s effects really detracted from what could have been a decent film if the story had been a bit more developed.
ReAnimator
Yes, I know this is a classic, and I know I will probably be lynched for supporting ReAnimator as a remake candidate, if I haven’t been crucified alreadyfor supporting Suspiria.
I am not as much the rabid fan of Stuart Gordon as are a number of our readers. The movie to me was merely “okay”. I thought it was fun, but lacking, and I think a reboot could only do some good, as long as it’s done in the original black humor spirit of the original.
Creature from the Black Lagoon
The Creature from the Black Lagoon is the only original movie monster that hasn’t gotten a makeover in recent years like all of his peers (The Mummy, the Wolfman, Dracula, etc). It was only a matter of time before they tackled this one. As doubtful as I am that this classic will be done its proper justice, I do admit that I hold out a little hope, just a little, that the attempt to bring him to new audiences is one worthy of the Universal horror icon.
Plan 9 from Outer Space
Ah, the birth of horror Goddess, Vampira. Even though Plan 9 from Outer Space is still hailed as one of the worst movies ever made, I still hold to the belief that even some of these B classics can be done well. There is even a website at http://www.plan9movie.com/, complete with a teaser trailer. I’m still unsure, after watching said trailer, but I’m keeping an eye on it.
Now I’ve touched on films that are in the process of the Remake Machine, but I also spent some time thinking about what movies could use the remake process (if done properly). I came up with a handful off the top of my head.
Faster Pussycat Kill Kill
One of the great B movies that I think should be introduced to modern-day audiences is Faster Pussycat Kill Kill. I think with Quentin Tarantino’s failure at Death Proof and his current penchant for exploitation films, this could be a seriously fun venture for him (or his partner Robert Rodriguez) to get their hands on and have some fun rebooting.
Rawhead Rex
Rawhead Rex is a piece that came to mind immediately as a potential remake. I think Clive Barker should get another shot at this gem. It’s a fun movie, no doubt, but there is a truly terrifying movie hidden in there somewhere. I’d like to see it follow the comic graphic novel adaptation a bit more closely. Not to mention, they could do wonders with the monster.
Metropolis
I’d actually like to see Peter Jackson (or perhaps del Toro) take a shot at a big budget remake of Metropolis. Now, I know this is a very touchy one, as this is the definitive sci-fi movie. The subject is even more important today than it was in 1916 and although I am trepidacious what any given director would make of this today, I still beleive that it would be important to bring it back to cinema.
The Brain That Wouldn't Die
I think The Brain that Wouldn’t Die could make for a fantastic black comedy/satire, without tarnishing the original. Who to do it? I’m not entirely sure, and in all honesty, I’d just like to see what a creative director could do with this gem of a property.
Dr. Caligari
Going back to German expressionism classics, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari is prime material, and frankly, I’m stunned that it hasn’t been tackled, especially by Rob Zombie. Personally, as much as I’m not a fan of Tim Burton’s recent work, I’d like to see him do an homage to this genre as opposed to just taking modern properties and making them “spooky”. I think if Burton went back to his roots, he may do this one justice.
Phantasm
Lastly, but not least, another choice that I’m sure I’ll be ridiculed for; Phantasm. Yes, folks, you heard it. The story had promise, but I fell asleep all three times I tried to watch this movie. I’m not sure who I’d want to take this on, but this is one franchise that is begging for some updating.
So, I’m still more or less against horror remakes on a whole, as I see what Hollywood does to many of these films, and it’s, most often, an unspeakable travesty. But, given the proper mix of worthy cast, capable writers, and visionary directors, I suppose anything can happen.
I’d be curious to hear your thoughts on this heated issue, and what you think should and should not be remade. And in closing?
“This situation must be controlled before it’s too late. They’re multiplying too rapidly!” (Dawn of the Dead, 1978)
What should be remade? How about….nothing!
I would much prefer to see Hollywood get off it’s collective asses and stop gorging itself off of the ones who came before it. As Guillermo del Toro is proving, there is much out there with original content waiting ti be made. I’m very tired of seeing things I’ve already seen before redone without bettering the original and, in a lot of cases, making it worse.
And as an old school horror fan, I see no improvements on the originals at all.
Also, they should leave my “Creature From The Black Lagoon” alone….
This is a great article. We don’t agree on many films, but i can appreciate where you’re coming from.
Unfortunately for us, remakes are here to stay. Hollywood is lazy and cheap – always has been, always will be. When it comes to our beloved genre, every Hollywood rule applies tenfold. They’ve been heavily remaking “normal” movies for a while now – it’s not new and not surprising that cheap studios are mining old horror films for celluloid gold too. And frankly – they sell tickets. Not always of course – but many of them have had excellent opening weekends & great rental sales, and this continues to make Hollywood happy.
So they’re going to keep making them. You can either let this ruin your interest in horror for a while, or you can try to find something you like about it – all the while keeping your eyes open for original stories. Or maybe that’s just me, haha. There’s only so many independent/foreign horror to get produced every year. So i’ve chosen to Embrace the Remake. Either i do that, or i’m not watching much in the way of horror anymore – and that just doesn’t work for me. It’s a sad fact, but i’ve always been a lover – not a fighter, lol.
I also don’t take a lot of things seriously – maybe that helps. XD
I enjoyed (very much) the updated Friday the 13th (the Director’s Cut is the best). And i love the Rob Zombie Halloween reboots. The recent The Crazies is better to me than the original (by far), and Alexandre Aja’s The Hills Have Eyes remake is pure, disturbing brilliance to me. I find it a lot better-filmed and much more visceral than the original. I tried to watch the original twice and now it just bores me and i find it really silly. Aja’s is terrifying, imo. Zack Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead was great – excellent performances, good plotting, great gore. I know a lot of people had issues with the “fast zombies” in it, but hey… they made it scarier for me. I’m not a purist tho. I also enjoyed: both TCM updates (a lot – those are scary, scary movies!); 1999′s House on Haunted Hill; 13 Ghosts; The Toolbox Murders; Black Christmas (not as much as the original, but it wasn’t bad at all); My Bloody Valentine, and even some foreign-to-US remakes have been good (to me). The US remake of The Ring rivals (if not betters) the original Japenese film Ringu, and is one of my all-time favorite horror movies. The US “The Grudge” captured the right feel of the Ju-On films, even keeping the remake’s plot in Japan – which made it soar above other failed J-horror remakes. Quarantine, too – is a near-perfect remake of Spanish [REC], just changing the very end for a more American-friendly, medical explanation. Austrian Michael Haneke’s 2008 US remake of his own 1997 Funny Games was pretty much the same movie again – and just as harrowing.
But there are more than enough stinkers, too – i completely agree. Some of them (like House of Wax), you wonder how the script ever got filmed. I like to pick on that one in particular because it’s not even a remake – it’s only a use of the original movie’s name, everything else is 100% different. And HORRIBLE. But instead of dwelling on them, i enjoy the ones that don’t suck.
(Nitpick Note: 2009′s “Last House” was a remake of a remake. Wes Craven’s 1970′s Last House was an update of Ingmar Bergman’s 1960′s “The Virgin Spring”. So there’s one where you actually liked the re-remake better than the remake! Maybe you should give The Virgin Spring a try and see what you think about the real original film.)
Certain films can benefit from a remake, such as production technology finally catching up with how a story should be told. In other cases, the film is so pure in its original telling that “remaking” it would only create a pallid, vague photocopy of the original’s glory. Alien should never be remade. It is perfect in its telling. It’s like repainting the Mona Lisa cause you don’t like her smile.
Good point, but what if you’re a great artist and you don’t like her smile? Are you wrong for wanting to paint your own version of her? Are people wrong if they like your version of her better than Da Vinci’s?
I don’t think so.
Ahh but the generally perceived value in Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa IS her smile. It’s what sets her apart from other period paintings where there is no smile. But we’re beating the metaphor horse. Don’t remake a film and change the characteristics that made it good in the first place.
There’s nothing wrong with retelling a tale. There is something wrong with doing a shitty job of it.
Ash Wednesday: “There’s nothing wrong with retelling a tale. There is something wrong with doing a shitty job of it.”
Now *that* i can get behind 110%.
And I adored My Bloody Valentine. But, there’s a wholly biased reason for that.
I don’t believe there is a “trend” going on regarding remakes. Films have been remade since the beginning of motion pictures. I think it’s just that you’re noticing it now because they are remaking films that you know and love. I also think this is why most of the films you listed as remakes you love are films that you didn’t have a particular attachment to.
Rev: Yes, there have always been remakes. When I say “trend”, I should have clarified. What I meant was the recent spike in remaking recently popular mainstream titles, as opposed to how they’ve usually done it. Here’s a short list of the majority that have been redone (http://spookylandcrypt.webs.com/remakelist.html), and if you look at the dates of most of them, you’ll see what I mean. It seems like they’ve gone from one or two a year to about half a dozen, inundating the market. There’s no shortage of original ideas and screenplays circulating, and like most of us, I’d like to see more attention paid to that. But, it’s not likely to happen, as “reinventing the wheel” is less costly, less effort, and more profitable.
And to dispute your point about not being attached to the remakes I liked, I’d like to point out “Last House on the Left”. I LOVED the original, and it’s one of my classic favorites. But I also loved the remake as well. Same goes for The Fly, as well as Willard.
Like Ash said above: “Don’t remake a film and change the characteristics that made it good in the first place.”
I liked the remake of Dawn of the Dead….but in general…I despise remakes and RZ should not be allowed to remake anything ever again and I’m not even sure he should be allowed to make ANY movies in the future…his butchering of H1 and H2 is unforgivable…
Mmyers: I do agree. I think remakes shouldn’t be done. As has been said, there are a ton of original ideas out there to be explored, and Hollywood taking the cheap and easy way out is abhorrent. Sadly, it’s only gonna get worse.