Happy Thankskilling!

‘Tis the season to be thankful. Thankful that you and your family aren’t being annihilated by a foul-mouthed fowl.

This turkey is seriously stuffed with so much craptastic, low-budget awesome – that instead of condensing it with several others in a “So Bad it’s Good” post – it earned its place in being a featured holiday centerpiece.

So let’s carve this baby up (tired of the puns yet?). One might inquire how the hell a turkey learns English and better yet develops a taste for murder. Genetic engineering? Cloning mishap? Nah. It’s simple – a curse was placed on the Pilgrims by the Native Americans in which a demonic turkey would assure their revenge by wreaking mayhem and havoc yearly.

The film starts off with a fabulous throwback as a historically dressed (or rather undressed – because you know, topless was all the rage in the 1600’s) woman runs screaming through the woodlands being chased by something with bigger breasts than her – a killer turkey.

Since history repeats itself, the film flashes forward a few hundred years and introduces us to a batch of stereotypical teenagers that would never hang in real life but you still can’t wait to see dead – the hick, the jock, the hoe bag, the dweeb, and the goodie-two-shoes. Together they’re traveling home for the holidays, ignorantly blissful of what lies ahead.

And what lies ahead? Rabbit grenades. EXPLODING heads. Inter-species rape.  Thermometers up the… yeah.

It only gets better from there.

Everyone loves some head during the Holidays, right? The killer turkey is no different. He not only gets head – he takes it. And by takes it – I mean rips it off the Sheriff and proceeds to rock it and hold conversations. And nobody notices. Slick mother-plucker, no?

From wielding an axe to transforming into a cartoon version of himself that explodes out of his eater’s stomach like a scene straight out of Spaceballs – Thankskilling‘s antagonist is hands down the most absurd and totally brutal bird in cinematic history.

Alfred Hitchcock would be so proud.

But as you know – evil never prevails. After deciphering a book containing cursed turkey mumbo-jumbo and a false-victory while catching the turkey tossing some salad (Seriously, watch this movie) – the heroes end up defeating the bird. How? By burning him alive. On a mysteriously appearing bonfire. Yes.

The acting is questionable, the effects are awful, and the one-liners never stop (i.e. Peck on someone your own size!!!). 4 outta’ 5 stars it is!

On a related side note: We here at GoresTruly hope you and yours have a fantastic Thanksgiving Holiday. With or without psycho poultry.

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About Meg

Blond, bold and brainy. Already scared aren’tcha? When Meg’s not book learnin’ or arguing the anatomy of zombies – shes probably in the ocean, watching star trek, or forcing everyone around her to endure horror moviethons. Bruce Campbell? Her personal demi-God. Costuming, comics, charity work, college and a kidlet take up most of her time. But seriously, who needs sleep when you’re training the future generation of nerd? With great power comes great responsibility…..or something.