Lesbihonest . . .
If you title a movie Lesbian anything, there is no way I’m going to not watch it. So when I came across a copy of Lesbian Vampire Killers I just had to spend the five bucks. And? Best five dollars spent all week.
Lesbian Vampire Killers is about . . . well . . . lesbian vampires and the people who kill them. More specifically, it is the story of Jimmy and Fletch – two English slackers with crap jobs and crap love lives. You see, Jimmy just got dumped by his super-slut girlfriend (for the 10th time) and Fletch? Just never gets any. So after indulging in several pints at their local pub they get the bright idea to take a little boy-cation and rely on the luck of a dart to choose their exploration place.
That dart? Juuusssst happens to land on a remote and cursed village of Cragwich where Jimmy’s ancestor Baron Wolfgang MacLaren slayed the foxy vampire queen Carmilla hundreds of years ago. Random right? And before Carmilla died she cursed all the village’s females to turn into vampires (and gay) on their 18th birthdays. Legal and lusty! Yes!
So admittedly, the story is a bit . . . well . . . ridiculous. But I was surprised to see so many negative reviews of this baby on the internet. It is not meant to be a super-serious movie. It is, however, meant to be a snarky albeit raunchy comedy – and I think it pretty much hit the mark.
So after discovering the town’s hot little undead minxes, Jimmy and Fletch, with some help from a cute little virgin by the name of Trudi, and the blood sucker slayin’ wisdom of the town’s Vicar (who curses like a sailor) wage haphazard war against the damned beauties.
Some of the most notable moments? Holy-water-balloons made from condoms, cock swords, and lots of quick witted British quips. Oh, and I forgot to mention – vampires don’t bleed red. They bleed white. Watching those chicks explode like semen bombs? Hysterical.
If you took Shaun of The Dead, mixed in a little Zombieland, and added some hot vamps, you’d have Lesbian Vampire Killers. The only real negatives of the flick included limited nudity and the aforementioned ridiculous (and sometimes too rushed) plot.
If you’ve seen the flick I’d love to hear your thoughts. If not? Check out the trailer below and pick yourself up a copy. You probably won’t be sorry you did.