There are spoilers naturally, but honestly, nothing really happened that’s going to “spoil” anything for you.
The title of the season four premiere episode of True Blood could not have been more apt. “She’s Not There.” Just like the latest Harris novel. It just wasn’t there for me. I’m left with a feeling of dissatisfaction and a mild hangover. I sat down last night with stars in my eyes and a big ole glass of Vampire cabernet sauvignon (I know, pretty campy of me, but it was a special occasion). The entire bottle later, I’m screaming bullshit!
Where was Alcide!? This poster promised me Alcide!
What the hell just happened? Season four was based on my favorite book of the series. And I’m the first to say I’m ok with it not following the book closely or hardly at all as long as certain expectations are met. And my expectations come with blood, violence, and sex in the form of Eric or Alcide. “She’s Not There” has hardly any of the first two elements and none of the last. What the fuck? Know your target audience people.
I thought the use of time distortion with fairy was a great way to plausibly introduce a “lost year” and make a lot of major changes tolerable. Kudos for that. But the fairies themselves? What they hell were they thinking? It was like a really bad episode of Might Morphin’ Power Rangers. Magic fireballs and running through the desert. And that was the first ten minutes of the episode. It was stupid, trite, sloppy, and completely clashed with the ambiance of the entire show and it lasted TEN WHOLE MINUTES! Claude and Claudine are supposed to be amazingly beautiful. Either do the fairies right or not at all.
I had a few moments of laugh out loud awful (stupid fairies). Sookie is, well, Sookie. Pam as always stole the show. Bill seems to be growing out of his sad sack mentality (hopefully to be a bit more exciting). It’s good to see Sam and Tommy alive, but OMG, what’s up with Mrs. Fortenberry using him as replacement Hoyt? That was out of nowhere. Portia Bellefleur is not supposed to be that freaking hot. And seeing Tara and her new life was a pleasant surprise. The witches are integral to this season, but it was a little too much too fast. Also, super cliche. But there was a tremendous lack of Eric and a complete absence of wolves. I repeat. What. The. Fuck?
“She’s Not There” was what a second or third episode of the season should be. Moving the players into position for the “big thing”. There were too many new story lines, too many changes, too much going on to really get involved with any of it. Part of the True Blood series charm is the amazing cast of characters. And I want to know about all of them but not all at once. Season premieres should be attention getters. An opening to the tone for the entire season, not a jumbled mess. I wanted to be sucked in and hooked, not floundering for another glass of wine so I could drown my lack of True Blood fix. It didn’t scratch my itch. But I will give “She’s Not There” this. The last minutes of the episode made me sit up and take notice. It was like a hit of sexy dangerous vampire cocaine. It went straight to my head (or possibly the entire bottle of wine did) and made the rest of the lackluster episode fade away. To me, that’s what True Blood is all about and what will keep me coming back for more.
