WARNING: This is a synopsis of the current season of FX’s American Horror Story. It’s not just Spoiler-Heavy… it’s ALL Spoiler. Read at your own risk!
Okay, so Ash told you about AHS a few months ago. Maybe you watched the first episode and decided it wasn’t your thing. Maybe it didn’t grab you. I get it… the WOW factor weighs heavily on my interests as well. Or maybe you do watch it and you don’t get it. Or maybe you stopped watching it because you didn’t get it. Or maybe you are watching it and love it. What do I care what you’re doing? What was my point again? Oh yeah – American Horror Story has gotten awfully damn interesting. If you’re thinking about watching it and you’re afraid to because you’ll be lost… THIS INTERWEBS PAGE IS FOR YOU! Let’s get started.
Meet the Harmons.
They look happy, don’t they?
Yeah… not so much.
Psychologist Ben was caught boinking one of his university students, Hayden…
…so he quit his cushy teaching job in Boston and moved his family to Los Angeles to start a private practice out of their newly purchased home.
Ben chose… poorly. Vivien and Violet are unhappy, as any wife and daughter of a cheating asshole would be.
Violet is moody, withdrawn, anti-social. You know, the usual. Violet strikes up a friendship with Daddy’s first patient, Tate.
Several years ago, Tate killed a bunch of his schoolmates in a brutal, awful massacre.
Before he killed himself.
Tate is dead.
Oh. Did I mention that? Because it’s important.
Constance is the Harmon’s next door neighbor. She used to live in the Harmon home ages ago *fans self like Constance would*.
That was before she killed her husband… along with their maid, whom he was busy raping.
Moira now works in the Harmon home. Mostly because she is bound there, along with anyone else who dies on the property of “Murder House” – the name by which it is less than affectionately known.
Somehow this tidbit of info was left out of the Harmon family’s realtor’s sales pitch.
Moira appears to different people in different ways. The House does this. Or maybe Moira does. Or it’s a combination of both.
Either way, almost everyone the Harmons have come into contact with are dead and they don’t know it. Yet.
Hayden comes to LA to tell Ben that she didn’t get that secret abortion that they’d secretly planned. And she was going to tell Vivien all about it.
Previously, Vivien had suffered an extremely difficult and extended miscarriage. She lost her baby, as well as her all respect for her husband.
She believed his lies, moved to LA with him, and got pregnant again…
You see, Vivien is carrying twins. One is the product of her husband’s seed, the other…
And Constance’s little angel. Tate.
Oh, but wait I forgot to tell you about Hayden.
When Hayden came to tell Vivien the whole truth (Surprise! Ben left shit out!), she ran into the crazy, burned, former House-owner, former Constance-lover, current Constance-obsessed madman Larry.
Larry killed Hayden in front of Ben to frame him. Larry wanted to force Ben to sell the House back to him.
Larry was recently released from prison. For killing his family. In the House.
To impress Constance.
Constance is Mommy to at least 4 children in American Horror Story – and she wants more.
Now she wants Vivien’s twins, and believes one of them may be the Antichrist. Because her astrologer told her that’s what would be the result of a spirit impregnating a living human.
American Horror Story appears to be going there, and we should find out this week with what they are calling their penultimate episode: Birth.
Vivien’s babies are growing way too fast. Or at least one of them is.
Meanwhile, Ben had Vivien committed.
Then he accused of her of cheating before he uttered the most hateful speech I’ve ever heard a husband hiss at his wife on television. I spit at my television.
Mostly because he refused to see things “as they really are,” while Vivien and Violet did. Until Violet didn’t.
At first, Violet thought it was live-action The Ring. Or I did. I might be remembering it wrong. Either way, the girl is dead. And has been for a while.
But that wasn’t the Big Shocking Twist to me.
Until the moment when Tate revealed to her that she did not survive her recent suicide attempt, we viewers had been led to believe that Tate was not aware of his own dead status.
Violet had stood by her dead boyfriend… until he wanted her to take pills and join him in death. Tate had no choice but to show her the truth.
Because her parents don’t know she’s dead either.
So there you go. The basics of American Horror Story.
Of course, there are other details I’m leaving out. Like most of the other ghosts. That we know about. So far.
Yep, that’s Mena Suvari rocking the Black Dahlia. She was beautiful. And heartbreaking.
There’s also a Boy Dahlia (now…), Larry’s burned family, the original owner and his wife, their “Infantata” monster-baby…
That’s right. Zachary Fucking Quinto is another ghost in AHS living out eternity in the House. Like all others who die there, he is bound to the home.
He can’t leave. He’s bored. And he’s hilarious.
Quinto and Lange – just toss them all of the awards now. Because they deserve them. Along with Taissa Farmiga (sister to Vera), who shines in what could have been a typically thankless miserable-teenaged-daughter role.
Awards Shawards. The show is amazing. And now you’re caught up. Vivien is pregnant with twins, one of whom may be the Antichrist. Her husband is an asshole and her daughter is dead, but they don’t know this. Yet. Vivien is coming home from the looney bin. Where her husband had tossed her, being an asshole.
Approximately 20 ghosts and the next-door neighbor crazy lady want Vivien’s baby. Or babies.
Shit’s about to get real.
What are your thoughts, readers? Who is dead? Who isn’t? Should Vivien change her name to “Rosemary”? What’s going to happen when Violet reveals the truth? Will the Harmon’s die? Will they go to jail? What will the next season be like?