You know whats the best part about Christmas?
No… not the gifts, not the eggnog, not the family, and not the tree.
The best part about Christmas is the movies, and the even better part about Christmas are the horror movies. ‘Tis the season to be jolly as St. Nick tears apart people with axes, right?
With Christmas only two days away here are some more of our favorite Christmas Horror films. But not the good ones – rather, the So Bad They’re Good ones.
Picture Goldberg as Santa Claus. Now, Picture Goldberg as Santa Claus who enjoys the occasional violent murder. Or two.
Santa’s Slay (2005) is a story about that robust ol’ bastard we all know and love. Except you see – he wasn’t always so… jolly. As a matter of fact, he was quite an evil son of a bitch (and Satan’s son to boot!), who happened to lose a bet to an Angel. So for 1,000 years he was tasked to deliver happiness and glee to the world – rather than stomping their heads in with his hell-deer.
Bummer, amIright? But no worries. A thousand years have passed and…?
He’s ready to spread some yuletide fear.
Death by eggnog, Christmas ninja-stars, turkey legs jammed down people’s throats – the kills are numerous and hysterical. Even better? Santa’s Slay loves itself some strippers, claymation, and excessive use of expletives.
Know what’s better than a cursing knife-wielding cookie? NOTHING.
I have to admit Gary Busey plays bat-shit nuts well – so perhaps it was serendipitous that he was cast as the role of Gingerdead Man. A killer cookie with no morals – no rules – and no gum-drop buttons.
The basic premise is a crazed killer annihilates a family in their own bakery. He is sentenced to death, burned alive, and his remains are sent to his mother. Who by the way is a witch. Plausible so far, right? Right. Well, long story short his ashes are baked into a batch of gingerbread cookies – and out of the oven jumps quite possibly the most deliciously evil killer ever.
The film is terrible. The acting? Worse. But seriously, if a freaking baked good giving you the middle finger isn’t one of the most hysterical things you’ve ever witnessed – I apparently need to start watching what you do.
Best line: Eat me, you punk bitch!
A clip from the ending. Trust me – plot reaaaaaally isn’t important here.
Now listen – the original Jack Frost? As bad as it was – IS A DAMN CLASSIC. But its sequel? Is ten times more gory, cheesy, and BAD.
After the chaos of being hunted down by the world’s most pissed off snow cone – Sheriff Sam Tiller decides to take his family on a nice… warm… Christmas vacation. Because everyone knows margaritas make witnessing a mass murder by a snowman better. Yes?
Nah. Through the magic of a terrible script – Jack comes back. Bigger, stronger, and more pissed off than ever. But I have to admit my favorite part of this flick wasn’t the ice anvils used to cream his victims, nor the salad tongs through the face. No… the BEST PART OF ALL?
He hatches/vomits up evil midget snowmen minions. Ridiculous.
Want more Holiday Horror?