Most people are familiar with the famous poem “A Visit from St. Nicholas,” or rather, “The Night Before Christmas,” and I’m sure you’ve heard many variations and parodies of it as well. But have you heard of the zombie version? This little diddy, along with many other festive poems/stories, can be found in the anthology The Undead that Saved Christmas by Lyle Perez-Tinics, writer and creator of Undead in the Head.
Also? Proceeds from the sales of The Undead That Saved Christmas benefit the Hugs Foster Family Agency. Giving and helping where needed is one of my favorite things to do, especially during the holidays. Bonus is that this awesome book is something you get in return! Check out this excerpt from the book, a spin on one of the most popular American poems of all time…
THE NIGHT of the LIVING DEAD… BEFORE CHRISTMAS
By: ‘The Zombieking’
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house…
Three people surviving, Me, Bill and Mary (his spouse)
The owner hung himself from the chandelier with care,
Not realizing that when he rose he’d still be stuck there…
The children long gone when their Mother took leave
They left with the Army 2 weeks ago this eve…
The 3 of us huddled in the attic with supplies
Been here a few days, but 6 months since the Dead did rise
We’ve avoided most trouble since they travel in packs
But there used to be 6 of us, we lost 3 in attacks.
We were set to move on, but in rolled a fog
So we’d stay till it passed, instead of walking through smog.
Out on the porch there arose such a clatter
I peeked out the crawlspace to see what was the matter
Out of the mist, in walked such a thing…
Leather jacket and a crown like some kind of… ‘Zombieking’
It brought 3 more in the house like some kind of sick Shepard
Seeking something to eat, hunting more like a leopard
Not listless or clumsy like its counterparts
It hunted for us like it was some kind of art…
It shambled and moved toward the stairs where we were
And started to climb like it KNEW we were here.
It passed close to the legs of the owner who hung
And pulled the thing down, and his group grew by one
Now 5 of them climbed all seeking a meal,
I knew we had to run if we were to survive this ordeal
The king led them on at a slow steady pace,
Climbing up toward the landing, near our hiding place.
I looked once at Bill who now understood
We were going right now while the getting was good
I burst out of the crawlspace in a full run,
Toward the far bedroom where I had hidden a gun
thought Bill and Mary were all ready to go
It turns out the King was faster…and they were too slow
I looked out of the bedroom at the macabre Xmas feast,
I leveled my handgun at the king of these beasts
The shot rang out and careened off the crown
The thing turned about and shot me a frown
The other 4 tore apart Bill and Mary
But the king rose up, and damn, was he scary
The crown now askew, and a beard of blood and gore
Which was once my friend Bill, only moments before
He regarded me once, with malice and hate
Then turned back to eat some of Bill’s former soul mate
I took it as a sign to just run away
A sick Christmas gift, to live another day
Out the window I went to the ladder we placed
Into the fog I went towards the river I raced
I found a small boat, now I row toward the sea
Hoping to find some part of humanity
I heard on the radio that there were some ships
But on one expects a ‘Zompocalypse’
I only hope that I never see ‘him’ again
Cause I know if I do, he will just eat my brain
Christmas has changed; there are no carols to sing
There’s no Santa Claus…just the Zombieking.
“Scary Christmas to all…and to all a good FRIGHT!” – *Vincent Price laugh…*
Source: zombieinfo.com
