Cabin in the Woods (2012) – Opens Friday the 13th

RUN DON’T WALK

Horny teenagers, remote cabin - what could go wrong?

Horny teenagers, remote cabin - what could go wrong?

You know that feeling you get when you have a really amazing gift for someone and you can’t wait until they open it? Your excited energy makes you bounce with anticipation and you can barely control yourself?  You might even start unwrapping the gift for them because you can’t fucking wait until they open it… GAHHHHHHHHHH!

*ahem*  Well, that’s some of us.  Right this very minute.   Thanks to some very kind friends, we were invited to an advance screening of something we’ve been giddy about since it was first announced, Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard‘s The Cabin in the Woods.   And now?  Now we can’t wait to tell you ALL about it.  We want to talk about it – we want to go over every single detail and obsess about the entire thing.

Hey look, it's Thor!

Hey look, it's Thor!

Yet, here’s the rub… we can’t tell you anything.  Yes, Cabin follows a group of teenagers heading out to a remote cabin in the woods for sexy-time, drinkin’, smokin’, & partyin’ shenanigans until something goes very wrong.  You’ve seen this idea told a thousand times before… but never quite like this.  What these kids are up against is a secret we don’t want to give away, and you’ll thank us when you see why.

Greatest Stoner Ever.  EV-ER

Greatest Stoner Ever. EV-ER.

Cabin has been compared to Scream in some reviews – and it’s a fair comparison, but not because it’s anything like it.  It’s because both films lovingly parody the horror genre while also being brilliant, hysterically funny, referential, clever, shocking, scary, and gory.  It may be laugh-out-loud funny - but it’s also a bloodbath.  A gloriously original, impossible-to-predict, what-horror-fans-have-been-waiting-for bloodbath.  We at Gores Truly encourage you to get out there and support this film.  Encourage your friends to see it.  If you have to – tell them there are boobs.  Because there are.  And they’ll have such a great time with the film, they’ll apologize for ever doubting you.

Didn't she see Evil Dead!?!? Cabins is BAD!

Didn't she see Evil Dead!?!? Cabins is BAD!

You’re welcome.

If Cabin IS anything like Scream – or what it meant to horror fans everywhere – it will reinvigorate the genre.  Studios will see the profits and green-light edgier properties, looking for the next big game-changer.  They’ll try for that lightning in a bottle again and we fans will reap the benefits: more movies, less remakes, less sequels, more pioneer filmmakers taking chances, less forgetful dreck.  We can’t think of anything better than that.  Or Cabin in the Woods.  It’s that good.

Now quick – everybody go see it, so we can start TALKING about it already.  GAHHHHHH!!!!!

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About De7en

Don't let the day job fool you, this computer consultant knows the Ooky Spooky. De7en was weaned by Jaws, suffered through puberty with Carrie, and tore into adulthood hand-in-glove with Freddy. From foreign frights and classic cuts to gallons of gore and more extreme fare, De7en is always ready to dig into something fresh.