Late is better than never I suppose…
I hate this show. I mean I REALLY REALLY hate True Blood. I’ve watched every episode, and with every viewing I think, “This is it. I will never watch this absolute shit ever again.” And then Pam will amuse me for a moment or Alcide will take off his shirt… and then I’ll grudgingly show up for the next week. But Season 5 was the most trying. by far of any season. Worse than Season 2′s rambling orgyfest. Worse than Quinn from the novels. Worse than anything I have ever forced myself to suffer through on television. Ever.
In the departure season of creator / producer / writer Alan Ball he seemed to make this his pièce de résistance on every political / social / religious / culture platform he could cram into 12 episodes, and I’m pretty sure it managed to insult all sides of any position on any platform. It was an exercise in megalomania.
As always… Here is your fair warning. There be spoilers ahead.
The scene when Sookie and Alcide are about ready to get it on (FINALLY) and it’s getting all awesome and steamy… and then Sookie pukes on Alcide’s shoes…. that is a giant metaphor for my relationship with this show. I am Alcide and True Blood is Sookie full of hot promise only to end up puking on my fucking shoes.
My biggest gripe. The Sanguinistas. Honestly. Could you have come up with a story arch that is more trite, transparent, or insulting upon my intelligence? As a convenient platform for political, religious and social commentary, you would have had more finesse with a goddamn sledge-hammer. To keep this commentary relatively short… The Sanguinistas is where the show jumped the legendary shark. I have never been more angry on a regular basis than I was watching that travesty of a satire.
Amongst other complaints. How could you possibly misuse a fantastic and powerful actor like Chris Meloni? The man was fucking Keller on HBO’s Oz. He was terrifying and amazing and you relegated him to the preening political douche-bag Roman only to follow him up with the worst Queen of the Damned rip-off I could possibly imagine. Your vampire “God” was less than inspiring with zero presence and the worst animal pelt I’ve ever seen tacked onto a crotch. Naked Lilith couldn’t hold a candle to Queen Akasha.
Even the “Go To” saves for my burned fandom have become ineffectual. Pam, a woman of strength to be feared, has her ass handed to her by every Tom, Dick, and Harry with pointy teeth. Alcide starts a quasi relationship with a girl who came out of no where and I could not give two shits… sure, I see him without his shirt, but I feel NOTHING! Russell Edgington is a pale shadow of the fuck-all big bad he was before. And we could just lop off Terry and Andy’s nonsensical story lines. Lafayette’s sass showed up late to the party with the season finale and DAMMIT Jason is stupid again! He evolved into a dim but relatable character. Now he’s back to being mega stupid. Which does nothing for me or the story.
True Blood has become this monstrosity of television where the story lines are only tangentially related and the message is a bloated parody of the original source. I want a cohesive, entertaining story… with a bit of blood and a bit of sex and a bit of the “what the fuck.” And this show has grown into the rantings of a fractured thought process that I don’t care to follow.
At Dragon*Con 2012, the following sentiment was expressed by Nelsan Ellis (Lafayette) in a True Blood panel. He was asked what his favorite season was… and his response? Season One, because that’s the last time they were all on the same show.
For all my justifiable rage, in the end I find myself in a bit of conundrum after the True Blood S5 finale. On one hand, I want this horrible shit to stop. On the other, the Eric that makes a girl sit up and take notice has finally returned and Pam’s still a mouthy bitch with an amazing wardrobe… buuuut, do I follow through with my threats of the entire season and stop here and never watch this god awful show again? Or do I show up reluctantly to watch Season 6?
Depends on how much wine is involved.