Remake Rant: Gremlins

Bright light! Bright light! Our sources tell us that, in keeping with Hollywood’s mandated pop culture recycling program, Warner Bros. Pictures is negotiating with Steven Spielberg’s Amblin Entertainment to reboot their 1984 horror comedy, Gremlins.

We’re also told negotiations of this sort have happened several times over the years, but making Spielberg’s deal always proved too daunting a financial prospect and his involvement might simply be a requirement for making the film at all, so don’t hold your breath. Having said all of that, our sources tell us that it might just actually come off this time. This wouldn’t be something Spielberg would direct, of course – he only executive produced the original, with Joe Dante behind the camera – but it never hurts to have the Great Man’s name on your project. A Spielberg spokesman said that the appropriate executives were not available for comment. We’ll keep you updated…

- Vulture 

 I don’t know what to think . . .

 Seriously, when I first read that  Gremlins was being considered for a reboot/remake I was all:

le gasp!

Then, I was like:

Aw, hell no.

The what-ifs and thinking about how they could possibly reboot/remake this cult classic made me do this:

::ponderponderponder::

But moments later I just went back to feeling like this:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 My response to how Warner Brothers keeps talking about reboots/remakes/revisionings of Gremlins:

You do with Mogwai what your society has done with all of nature’s gifts. You do not understand.
You are not ready (for a remake).

Could it be a re-visioning of Gremlins 2 – The New Batch?

I think this flick is underrated and quite hilarious.

Ugh, thinking about all the possibilities has my brain doing this:

AAAAAAAH! BUZZZ! NOOO! SHIT!

Warner Brothers wants to make lots and lots of money – so they’re likely going to modernize it and make a new Gremlins flick relevant for a new generation. . .

LOOK AT ALL THE FUCKS I GIVE!

Don’t make the Mogwai or Gremlins CGI or else . . .

Ain’t nobody fuck with Rambo-Gizmo, ain’t nobody.

What rating category would a new Gremlins fall into? The original was ‘PG’ but only because the MPAA didn’t have a ‘PG-13′ rating back in 1984 (and this was one of the pivotal flicks that called for the creation of a “teenage” rating).  Would  a new batch of these chaotic creatures merit a ‘PG-13′ rating? Would they try to target kidlets and make it a ‘PG’ flick (my initial thought is no…)? What about smacking it with a fierce ‘R’ and trying to cater to the nostalgic demographic who grew up with the original?

I’ll try to stay like this until I get more details:

Let’s discuss such things, as civilized people do, over a cup of coffee . . . or a stiff drink.

Regardless of what is done with some of my favorite destructively mischievous little monsters, I’ll likely be doing this when (if) it’s released:

ERMAHGERD! GREHMLERNS!

Check Gores Truly for more details. If this project actually goes forward, I’m sure to have words about it.

Want more of the little green monsters? Check out Creatures of Chaos: Gremlins! 

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