So Bad It’s Good: Sharknado (2013)

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I'm a SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!

I’m a SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!

Where do we even begin?

Once upon a time, that nutty B-movie making machine – The Asylum – decided to make a movie about sharks terrorizing people in a storm.  Because sharks are awesome, ridiculous flicks about bizarre shark attacks make tons of cash, and it’s almost Shark Week 2013.  You know – legit reasons.  Through the magic of the movies, this germ of an idea developed into a full blown crazy-ass nightmare premiering on SyFy last night:  Sharknado.

Wait.  Don’t walk away.  We’re serious.

A freak hurricane strikes Los Angeles at the same exact moment that an enormous 20,000-strong school of angry, man-eating sharks is approaching the coastline.  The most natural of things happens: waterspouts spawned from the hurricane scoop up thousands of the toothed terrors and hurl them at 250 miles per hour at every single person, building, Humvee, billboard, boat, bad actor, seadoo, etc. in the city.  “But that could never happen!”   Well DUHHHHH!  That’s the whole point, Sherlock.  The Asylum doesn’t make good movies. They’re fully aware that many of us enjoy silly, vapid, made-for-popcorn-and-booze, B-movies.  And that’s what we’ve got here, ladies & gents, a helluva fun silly confection of a film.

Ian Zerbertling... heroic sharkpocalypse BADASS?

Ian Zerbertling… heroic sharkpocalypse BADASS?

De7en:  You know it’s going to be good when the first victims are all a bunch of evil fisherman illegally selling shark fins to the world’s stupidest fin-fence.  That’s right – the first victim of the tornado full of man-eaters is a finning captain who’s face is torn off bit-by-bit by the whirlwind of sharky doom.  It just gets better from there.  Think of every video of storm footage you’ve ever seen then replace typical “debris” with flying, biting, sharks and you’ve got this picture.  Sharks fly through windows, bite through Humvee roofs, wiggle on every skyscraper helicopter landing pad, and all of them seem to stalk our intrepid group of heroes from one end of the city to the other.  Who knew that the best person to survive a shark apocalypse would be 90210‘s Ian Ziering!?!?!  But trust me – he’s our man.  Dude chainsaws through tornado-sharks with aplomb, all the while making it seem like someone might actually care about Tara Reid. A little.

That’s ACTING, people.

But how does Sharknado stack up against its predecessors Sharktopus, Dinoshark, and the rest?  It’s a million times better.  BUT HOW CAN THIS BE?! Easy. Someone at Asylum listened and, instead of 10 minutes of CGI footage repeated over & over again, they actually attempted to make a halfway decent B-flick this time.  By using stock shark, storm, and flooding footage, along with a lot of nifty new CGI silliness, they avoided the repetitive nonsense that was  frustrating with the others (they make a killing off this crap, the least they could do is pour a little money back into them).

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I know what you really want to know, though.  What’s the Sharknado drinking game?  There’s always a drinking game to supplement these movies . . . this one’s no exception.  Take a shot anytime Zerbertling asks “Are you ok?”; Take another shot anytime Nova (Cassie Scerbo) cocks a shotgun; and take a small sip (just a sip!!!) whenever the time of day changes in the middle of a scene.

On second thought.  Don’t do that last one.  We’re not going to be responsible for your alcohol-induced coma.

Meg:  I seriously wish I could have been in the room with the cats who thought up this idea. I’m guessing there was a lot of beer involved. A whole lot. Sharknado was one of SyFy’s and The Aslyum’s most ridiculous movies to date. Picture the most absurd thing you can imagine. It probably happened in this movie – including a tornado literally made of sharks. And maybe a tiny bit of water. Maybe.

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I have to agree with De7en – I was seriously impressed with both the acting and some-what attempt at a serious plot during this movie. Despite the lead character’s appearance of random it’s-super-convenient–right-at-this-moment-to-mention-I-have-a-daughter/son children and some less then stellar background actors – Ian Ziering surprisingly stole the show. Tara Reid however? I twitched every single time she opened her mouth.

This is her performance for all of Sharknado. This face.

This face is her performance for the entirety.

Let’s be real – I didn’t watch this movie for the acting. I watched it for the silly violence. And? Was pleasantly surprised. From exploding shark heads to flying swallowing sharks to Ian Ziering pulling a half Ash (Army of Darkness) and half Ace Ventura move by literally chainsawing and crawling out of the gut of a shark? I couldn’t have been more happy to take in the random mindless (albeit cheesy) gore.

Do yourself a favor. Grab a few beers, get some friends and catch this flick as soon as you can. It doesn’t get any more so bad it’s good then this folks.

 

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Friday, August 13th, 2010 – serendipitously inspired by the day – five friends decided there just wasn’t enough fem-driven horror sites on the internet. So to amend that we formed GoresTruly.com, a web site dedicated to everything well - horror. Movies, conventions, costumes, literature, comics and more.