Netflix nights. You know you have them. You’re bored, it’s late, and? You figure Netflix has to have something entertaining enough to pass the time. Well, that was me this past weekend and luckily, I stumbled across Stitches. As an early warning for those of you who suffer from coulrophobia you’re going to hate this post. And this movie. Like really, really hate this movie.
You’ve been warned.
Stitches is a 2012 horror film by Conor McMahon about a birthday party clown, who after being mocked by a bunch of brats at a birthday party ends up meeting his demise at said party. By tripping face first into a butcher knife. Brutal. However, not to worry. You see clowns are all part of a super creepy underground cult that store their souls in eggs and hold their weekly meetings inside cemetery crypts. Okay . . . maybe you should worry. Especially if you’re Tom, the birthday boy whose party said clown face planted into silverware at. Because you know – a birthday clown can never truly rest unless he finishes his shtick.
This movie has the most ludicrous plot ever. The clown dies at a party. Little birthday boy Tom is seriously mentally scared because of it. His group of friends mostly grew apart in high school. 6 years later? The ones who stuck around decide 6 years has been long enough – and Tom needs another birthday party. With a lot of drunk chicks and beer. Needless to say the gang is all back together again. Some are now school bullies, some are just horn dogs, and one is Kate. Tom’s boyhood crush who is now a total looker – but totally not into him.
But someone else gets the invitation too. Stitches the clown. And he rises from the dead to continue his bad gags (and even worse jokes). He makes ventriloquist dolls after carving out someone’s skull by umbrella AND balloon pump. As the most creative death I’ve ever seen, Stitches is hands down now in my top five list of clowns I wouldn’t want to fuck with. It, of course, still maintains the #1 spot. Without spoiling who goes first, let me say this – Stitches has to have the most incredibly inappropriate yet effective scene cutting and scripting that I have seen in ages. Admittedly I wasn’t expecting that. From popped pimple straight to yolk sliding on a hot pan, the creative mind(s) behind this film made sure that they got the most out of every disgusting and disturbing joke they could.
And beyond clever writing and cinematography? Considering its budget the practical effects of this movie were phenomenal. It was funny, gross, and believable all at once.
THIS, folks, is the kind of film that encourages me to keep my subscription month after month. This world needs more cleverly done and funny/disturbing horror films like Stitches. So do yourself a favor, grab your favorite beverage and check out Stitches the next chance you get.